i feast my eyes and the tips of my fingers
and they dig like daggers neath your skin
the sinews shred apart
a gaping hole reveals my face
and i reel in disbelief
am i he, is this shade merely me?
he licks his lips and says behold
your fortune, your weight in gold
and i devour him.
i risked it all to feel my hand
feel the heaviness of conquest
as it slowly broke down
and spread in the wind
and the air took its place
and all of my schemes
and all of my days
were cashed for ashes
and sent separate ways
ghosts of my guts
displayed in dismay.
a man he was
i know that they’ll say
but i know better
i know what i paid.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the way I think - the reason that I remember this, but not that. I wonder why my mind attaches to certain moments, pointless as they appear, yet poignant ones that should be remembered (at least, in a spirit of practicality) remain in limbo, in endless turmoil… What is it that pushes those memories away?
Was I not paying attention? Did I somehow choose to forget them?
Just a thought I’ll forget in a few hours. More to come later.
but sometimes
we forget
what we’ve got
who we are
and who we are not
i think we got a chance to make it right
if we keep it loose, and keep it tight
to a degree some may consider negligent.
I know, I know, I’ve already written a post about him, but this guy…
He’s not perfect, that’s no surprise. None of us are. But in the last six years he has shown me and taught me and instructed me in countless ways - ways I’m sure I haven’t even discovered. He is a loving, caring, man and understands the simple fact that where we are now is not where we will be. Life is constantly moving, evolving, and expanding. He may not have the greatest job on earth but he works there like it is. I admire his perseverance and his ability to see the light in almost situation. Yesterday he had a pretty crappy day. He woke up late, worked late, and on top of everything else he had his debit card number stolen. In most cases, that’s a “white flag” day for sure. I texted him and told him to believe in Jehovah-Jireh (The Lord Will Provide) and to keep his head up throughout, but in all honesty it wouldn’t have mattered what I said. He already knew. But of course. I should have known.
What do I have to say to the person that taught me what to say? Thank you. I love you. Anything else is simply his own. I hope someday to pass his understanding to my own son, believing perhaps that he can be more than half of what I am, which is merely half of the man that Travis is.
“I’m different because I think I’m a little weird.”
“I’m different because I like old movies.”
“I’m different because I’m just really chill.”
“I’m different because I’m drug free.”
“I’m different because I like sports and anime.”
“I’m different because I believe in karma.”
But I think you’re all missing the point. You’re not different because you say you’re different. You are different because you are different. You are unique by the very nature of your own existence. Tagging yourself with quirky examples of just how special you think you are only shows to the world that you don’t believe in your own individuality. Either that, or you’ve found people that wouldn’t recognize individuality in the first place. And if that’s the case, why should it matter how they judge you?
You’re not different because you say you’re different.
Let your life speak for itself, and the ones that can see it will know. That’s all we can hope for; that’s all we should believe.
Alright, before we get into this I just gotta say one thing.
I really hate this stupid fad.
Like, not just normal hate. I’m talking about “looking up synonyms in the thesaurus for ‘hate’ because the word ‘hate’ just does not really explain my reaction to this stupid vampire fad” type of hate.
That being said, I’m gonna do my best to refrain from hurtful language that may offend vampires or vampire lovers (they both have enough issues as it is).
TEENAGERS however will receive no mercy from me.
In recent years there has been a huge resurgence of interest in the realm of classic monsters. Nearly every famous creature has undergone a modern day makeover in the hopes of making bank at the box office – from Wolfman to Medusa to King Kong; the world of yesteryear is making a 3-D-directed-high-definition-return to theaters, and the audiences are eating it up like it were a tray of mini quiches. However, when it comes to what captures the attention of teenagers - the world’s most discerning and cultured demographic (see: MTV) - other monsters pale in comparison to what may be the palest of them all. Vampires. Books like Vampire Chronicles and the Twilight series (which you would know has relentlessly grappled the movie market, unless you have been living under a bridge for three years, in which case I’m sorry you decided to come out now. Stay there and I’ll give you a heads up when the alien overlords scorch our lands with their space fire.) mark a significant era in pop culture, when blood suckers not only feast on the hearts of the young, but are also sinking their teeth directly into their wallets - but in most cases, Mommy and Daddy’s. But why is this? Why the sudden interest in vampires? WHYYY?
Do your best to pay attention, my ritalin riddled rugrats.
I’ve listed some key reasons why a teenager would ever be interested in vampires, despite one being a malicious conniving blood sucker, and of course the other being a vampire.
1. Vampires are secretive.
Most teenagers that identify with this are ones that feel ostracized or abandoned by friends and/or family. Like vampires, they retreat to somewhere safe and personal, some place of which only they can understand the importance. The only difference is I don’t think that a vampire sits in his closet and eats pizza rolls all day.
2. Vampires live forever.
Young people like this because at that stage of life it is common to have a sense of invincibility (newsflash- you’re not), and vampires reflect that in movies and books like the Twilight series. Fast, strong, forever young - everything a young person wants to be. It’s too bad you’re all just a bunch of lazy tweaks. You wanna be strong and fast? Go clean the gutters.
3. Vampires are desirable.
Modern day vampire novels focus on this aspect especially, because nearly every single teenager feels the need to be wanted - perhaps romantically but at the very least platonically (and at the very VERY least for a date with Christine Shelley. Smelly Shelley they used to call her. Pretty unfortunate last name. Pretty unfortunate smell too).
4. Vampires live together.
They are a family, regardless of blood relation. Teenagers find this appealing above everything else because almost everything about the teenage lifestyle revolves getting into a certain group and then acting like everybody else. If you want to disagree with me, well then congratulations. You’re still not original.
In many ways, teenagers very closely mimic the characteristics of the modern day vampire. Dark, brooding, narcissistic, looking for action: both can be said of today’s youth as well as vamps found in today’s books and movies. But what’s the big freaking deal? Didn’t we already know this about teenagers, like, a LONG time ago? It doesn’t explain why vampire-mania has only been prevalent in recent times. It seems so arbitrary for this one particular beast to have dominion over such a vast audience. Then again, teenagers really don’t make sense anyway. The media certainly has a way of capitalizing on something semi-popular and then blowing it to extreme proportions, which could be one reason why vampires are on the pedestal they now stand. Newspapers, magazines, websites, and television all contribute to the hype. Perhaps this craze has less to do with the youth culture of today, and more to do with how adept they are at screwing around on the Internet all day long. With a tick-tack-click one can easily send a friend (ex-friend after) in Michigan a five star book review of New Moon, when the sender lives in Hawaii – and it all happens instantaneously.
Look, we can point fingers all day about who started it. The only question that matters is who is going to end it. And if I have to, I will bear that burden - so long as my children do not suffer as I have suffered.
R-Patz’s foot face will forever haunt my dreams.
that’s why we do the things we do
we don’t know what’s coming true
you had a hand that didn’t pan
out like you planned it would
you spend your time against the floor
reading edgar allen poe
but that macabre don’t suit your smile
babe just stick around for me
for quite awhile, for quite awhile
(because not everyone is cut out to be a photographer.)
you smile and you flash
and the image is shot,
but trust me it’s already dead.
they say one’s worth a thousand words
but yours can’t even read what i’ve said.
don’t look now but your shutter is aching.
press release is not a media event,
it’s an action of your naïveté.
don’t you understand?
i can see behind your faces.
you can fill your world with so many angles
but in the end
you’re just a girl
and her camera
and you’re all alone
in your little yellow bathroom.
you’re not even worthy to call yourself a friend
just pointless paparazzi,
and you’re all alone
in the passenger seat.
for someone with so many photos,
it’s amazing how out of focus you are.
with you striking poses wherever you go,
it’s no secret why you never get too far.
because of your own decisions is tough to swallow. I thought understanding my responsibility would make me feel better but it’s only been a catalyst to my crappiness. But honestly I don’t think I should be happy until I fix things I’ve broken. I mean why should I feel gratification for work that’s yet to be done? Doesn’t make sense. Sooooo yeah, happiness is best served deserved. Lesson learned.
